This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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