Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
