Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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