Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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