ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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