I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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