After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
