I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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