That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
