I'm lost and stupid without you.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Randomize
