first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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