Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
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I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
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Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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