I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
