8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
She has the best kind of daddy issues
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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