I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
