My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
