sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
nutella sex= disaster
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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