I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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