There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
