Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
