and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
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Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
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I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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