i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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