would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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