At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
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Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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