pedialite and red bull = repair kit
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
