Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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