i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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