Tell her she can't have a vagina
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
