its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
cat food counts as protein by the way
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
