Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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