I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
