i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
