i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
