i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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