well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
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I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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