So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
