I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
