Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Buhtt sex?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
