It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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