we have pet lesbian snakes
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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