hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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