please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
