I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
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i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
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40s are totally the cure
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.