i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...