I'm drive I can fine osifer
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I wish I only lived at night.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.