Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.