i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?