Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.