your thong is hanging out like whoa
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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