Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
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scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
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I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.