Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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