like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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