She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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