life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
