did you get engaged???
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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