we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
