You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
