I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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