I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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