So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize