I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
