Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
