It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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