with your own penis?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I think my moral compass just broke
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
