just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
organizing the empties. That sober.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Randomize
