In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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