Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
