So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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