Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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