worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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