you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Randomize
