I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
