the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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