Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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