tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
