Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
