No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
