i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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