i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
