I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I need to stop coming to work sober
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
