he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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